Sometimes I worry about not bringing my best self to the table. Not being the example of positivity and strength that I strive for. Not being able to articulate my motives, my dreams, my intuition in a way that feels real. I ponder about what it is that my children see when they look at me … Do they see the me that I want them to see? Or do they see a different version? Does it matter?
I’m looking out the window of my office this morning, and the light is beautiful. There was rain overnight, so everything is damp but the sun is warm, and bright and the difference between those two contrasts is beauty. So maybe it really doesn’t matter how I am seen by my children, maybe the difference between what I put out there, and the light that they perceive me as is still beautiful. Vibrant in a different way. Every day the view changes somewhat, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot, but it is still constant, it is still the same, and there is always something there that catches my eye.
I like to think that’s who I am, the same, but different to everybody, and despite it all there is beauty in all of those visions. Our children will see us, however they choose to see us as parents, and we’ll probably never have a complete picture of what that is, and that will be ok. I will strive constantly to bring my best self to the table … for myself, and if I’m happy that I’m doing that, then that IS my best self.