I don’t feel great today. I have had to say no to my son who was invited to a friends birthday party.
I didn’t want to say “No” but I couldn’t say “Yes”.
It’s a hard thing to do, it’s harder to explain to a distraught child, who didn’t realise his behaviour would result in a consequence like this, even though he’d been told over and over that this is what would happen. It doesn’t feel good to be that person, no matter how necessary it is.
The thing is, you can’t constantly be that ‘mean’ Mum either. So in my situation, I’ve had to offer my son an out, a reward for good behaviour that matches the consequence.
Now that he realises that I am serious in my pursuit of appropriate behaviour at home, I have suggested that if he now improves the behaviour, we will invite this friend (whose birthday party he is missing) to come and have a play next week. He has four days to prove he can do it, and I will give him every opportunity to succeed.
Be the bad, mean mother when you need to be, but then give your child a way out … An opportunity to ‘win’ … It’s really important that our children are not constantly being berated and that there is always a way out, a way to make things better when they deserve it.
Good luck – it’s a process that you have to work out, but it will be ok, and there are answers out there if you ask the right questions.