Shouting happens when we are so frustrated that we think that shouting is the only way that our children will listen to us.
This is not the best way to go. I know that you may have had success with this in the past, but the fact that you have to do it again and again means that it’s not really working.
Part 1 is about making sure that you are okay – this is the first step.
Sometimes we let ourselves get so run down that we need to go and talk to a doctor or a specialist in mental health. This can happen and there is no shame at all in admitting that you may need to go down this path.
If you are happy that a doctor is not required and yet you still find yourself shouting at your kids and hating feeling so out of control there are definite ways to manage yourself so that you are not draining your energy to such a low ebb that ‘shouting’ is the only option.
So here goes –
Personality is key – do you know your own personality type? Do you know if you get energy from being around people, or if you need time to reflect and be by yourself? Do you know how you like to get and use information? Do you know how you like to make decisions? Do you know if you like your home organised or a bit more free-flowing?
I know this seems like a lot of stuff – but it’s key.
Managing your energy:
Exraverted types – need adult conversation, action and variety in their day.
Introverted types – need privacy and alone time
Sensing types – need to use all of their five senses
Intuitive types – spend time dreaming, coming up with new ideas, and perspectives on situations
Thinking types – need to feel like they are competent in something that they are doing
Feeling types – need a break from constantly fulfilling others’ needs
Judging types – need a place, or a project, or even a drawer to completely organise, control and complete
Perceiving types – need freedom from tight schedules
What does this mean?
When we let out energy reserves get low, we become unable to cope fully with the demands of parenthood – by knowing your personality and drawing on this knowledge and my mini-coaching above – we can bring back our Mum Glow and rock our natural selves!!! So – it’s sort-of important to know which of the above scenarios works for you.
This is who I am: I’m an Extrovert, Intuitive, Thinking and Judging type of person. some of these areas are stronger for me than others, and so if I feel my energy flagging I know that putting on my Extroverted, and Judging hats will get my energy back VERY quickly. My go-to activity is to head to a cafe (even by myself) to sit and be around lots of people and stimulation. Listening to a podcast, or talkback through some ear-phones at the same time is a good one too. I’m also highly organised, and routined – so rocking out a list while I sit there drinking a coffee, listening to talking, around lots of people, and there always being the possibility that someone I know will turn up for a quick 5 minute chat is perfect. Within 30 minutes my energy is back, and I’m firing on all cylinders.
How does this help in my Parenting?
If I have an energy filled, productive day – my children get the best of me. Later on, when I’m ready for some quieter activities I can sit and talk to the kids about their day, or I can help them with their homework, without getting frustrated. It also means that their natural inclination to throw their shoes on the floor right in the entrance-way and not put them away, isn’t going to be the final straw that has me yelling at them. I am able to see that my daughters throwing down of her things isn’t her being confrontational and looking for an argument, it’s simply that her personality doesn’t prioritize organisation and routine, and so needs more help from me to become better at managing her stuff.
This understanding is the KEY!!!!!!!!!
I’ll move on to this tomorrow …… in Part 2.