Part 1 – was about YOU – the parent – are you okay? how are you managing your energy? Read it first HERE
Part 2 – this is related to really knowing your child
Knowing your child comes down to a few factors:
- knowing their age
- knowing their stage
- knowing their temperament
- knowing their personality
If you have a good handle on these four things then there is less and less reason for you to be shouting at your children – the need to do this will simply disappear.
Knowing your child’s age and stage are the normal questions and comments that we get from our neighbours, friends, and family – “How old are they?” “Are you going through that sulky stage right now?” “I remember when we went through that swearing stage …..” and it goes on. We’ve all commented on those kinds of questions before, but they don’t tell us very much. This information is still a piece of the puzzle, because we can’t expect a 2 year old to understand behaviours the same as a 10 year old, but most conversations about parenting stop here.
Temperament and Personality questions are less common – but these form the basis of what it is to truly know your individual child.
So, on to the fun stuff…..
- Do you have an Extravert in your family or an Introvert?
- Does your child seem “away with the fairies” (Intuitive) or “stuck in reality” (Sensing)?
- Do you see a lot of empathy in your child (Feeling) or are they fair and to the point (Thinking)?
- Is responsibility and routine important (Judging) or does your child thrive in spontaneity (Perceiving)?
There is a lot of information and questions I would ask if I was truly giving you a reading of the personality of your child, and then the combination of these personality preferences would form the basis of temperament.
For example I have a child who has a combination of Sensing and Perceiving Personality traits, which highlights his ‘zest for living, a love of skillful performance and action, a practical take on life, exceptional memory for facts, and a ridiculous need to be free of routine and rules’. This would be a rundown of his temperament – so if I have an expectation that he comes home and folds his school uniform away tidily after school every day – I am going to be EXTREMELY disappointed and frustrated. And the beginning of my being a “Shouting Mother” would ensue. By understanding that his take on life and therefore his temperament is so VERY different from mine, I have to understand that while I might get his school uniform in a drawer – if I’m lucky – it won’t be folded, and the drawer will probably still be open with the clothes hanging out ….. He would be missing out on “life” if he had to spend precious minutes “wasting time” doing such a mundane task.
Another example could be the child that has a Sensing and Judging Temperament Preference. This child is ‘dependable, conscientious, well organised and focused on getting things done’ – they are going to make sure that they have done their job correctly. They will be able to be trusted to hand a notice into the office, or to pass on an important message, remember when it is mufti day, and when their practices are – This temperament type, has a strong desire to do things well, however they can also be critical of others for failing to do these things, and are not very good at adapting their plans, so tantrums can be a big part of your life, if you like spontaneity and your child has this temperament.
It is the combination of different personality preferences that form the basis of your child’s temperament.
If you want to get past your habit of being a “Shouting Mother” then these are important pieces of the puzzle!