There can be some issues between these two points.
Typically, we believe that kids are naughty when they act or behave differently than the way that WE expect them to act or behave. However, sometimes the reasons for the differences are personality based, and NOT based in deliberately bad behaviour.
I’ll give you some examples:
- You may have rules around where your kids put their school bags when they get home after school. One of your kids may always put their bag away properly, while the other may throw it on the floor, or leave it in the car, or not give any consideration to your ‘rule’. This doesn’t mean that one kid is ‘good’ and one kid is ‘bad’ and may instead have everything to do with ‘ How your children like their world structured’ – Judging or Perceiving – if you have a child who has struggled through all the rules in school for a day, and they have a ‘Perceiving’ personality, they NEED to have a break from rules, and they may not even realise that where their bag is supposed to go is a rule. Your Judging child will love the ‘bag rule’ and always follow through – not because they are ‘good’ but because it SUITS THEM.
- You may have a child that seems to get in the car after school when you pick them up acting sullen, and silent, and non-communicative. This may NOT mean that are being naughty and giving attitude. This may have more to do with their personality. They may be a natural Introvert, and require some ‘downtime’ to assimilate their day internally. School is a place set up for Extraverts, so you Introvert will be looking for sone quiet, some thinking time, and nobody peppering them with conversation and stimulation. Not naughty at all, just being true to them.
- Other kids definitely need more ‘feedback’ than others. More praise, more conversation, more feeling like they belong … You may be a parent that needs downtime and quiet time when you are at home, but you have a child that requires MORE of you than what comes natural. Their constant chatter and looking for approval may not be them acting out and being naughty, it may be about their need for ‘fitting in’ and looking for your approval.
Bad behaviour can look like a lot of things. It can be yelling, swearing, slamming doors, rudeness, not doing as told, being mean to siblings, not tidying up, lying, being too noisy, being too quiet, not participating, and a lot of other things.
But the reasons behind the behaviours may be because their personality needs are not being met.
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