It is really easy to get really grumpy about the constant grizzling that seems to come part and parcel with having kids. And it’s fascinating that we let it get to us so much.
The thing is that some kids use ‘grizzling’ as their fallback default and it’s actually got nothing to do with you. It’s just the way that they process the way they think, and how they may have organised their life in their own heads, and when you make a suggestion or tell them to do something and it doesn’t match what they want to do, then the grizzle, or the whine is just like a ‘double-checking’ thing.
It makes rational sense if you understand how your child thinks.
So, if you are someone who is constantly triggered by this, you really need to figure out why the way your child thinks is such a problem for you.
Do you think the same, but were never allowed to have your way at all, so you are unconsciously putting your child through the same thing?
Do you think the complete opposite to your child and you just truly DON’T understand why your child thinks like this?
Have you never even thought about it before? Maybe just thinking about it today can make a difference to how you are affected.
If your child is like a grizzling, whining type of child, and seems to constantly argue with you about everything it can definitely be a really draining experience, but it’s actually an easy fix.
– understand how they think.
– understand that if they like to be a part of the decision making for their life, and you don’t let that happen then they will complain
– if you ask them what they want to happen and then you let some of their stuff happen, then they will feel heard, and feel connected to you, which will naturally calm down the grizzling.
– realize that the grizzling is just a reaction to something that they are not getting … It’s not the ‘thing’ that they are complaining about, that’s just a reaction. They are missing a connection with you, and missing opportunities to BE their full version of their natural personality.
This example is just one reason, and the most common reason, that you might have a clash with grizzling and whining. If you are not sure if this one fully explains your family situation then get in touch, and I can work through some solutions with you.
It’s also important to know that even if there is grizzling, it doesn’t mean that you should back down or NOT do something. We had some grizzling about rotten apple picking yesterday, but actually turning it into a bit of a competition, and providing the encouragement of a post-work hot chocolate, and otherwise NOT backing down, or being wishy-washy, means it wasn’t a big deal.
You can still ABSOLUTELY be the parent that you want to be, and any grizzling that goes along with decision- making in your house doesn’t need to derail all your good intentions.
But as always, giving out parenting advice is what I love, and my 1:1 coaching is really transformational so if you are thinking about working with me, get in touch, and have a conversation with me around what I can do for you.
Stephanie Davis is the leading expert in ‘Parenting by Personality’ and coaches mums on raising KICKARSE and SUCCESSFUL children at every age and stage from early childhood through to the late teens.