Here’s the thing.
One thing that I KNOW is that there is no one looking out for your child the way that you are.
There is no one who is seeing your child like you are.
There is no one that is living with your child like you do.
There is no one that can truly say that they are a fly on the wall of your home, and know how it all goes down.
YOU are that person for your child.
And no matter how well-meaning and interested your neighbour, best friend, child’s teachers are they are not at the coal-face like you are.
Yes, they may have some greater educational background than you.
Yes, they may have raised 5 children during the war years of the 40s.
Yes, they may just be strong-minded busy-bodies that you think you should listen to.
Yes, they may look like they have the perfect family and have all their shit together.
No one knows your child like you do.
And no one is looking out for them like you do.
So, DON’T give your power away.
Don’t second-guess your ‘Mummy-Bearness’
Don’t be swayed by well-meaning, or more educated people than you.
Don’t give in when it doesn’t feel right.
Don’t follow advice, or allow things to happen that don’t, and won’t, work in your home.
I get it though.
It’s hard to know what to do.
It’s hard to choose a path when others are telling you that it won’t work or that you are wrong.
But, if you don’t KNOW stuff, and others think that they know better?
Ask MORE questions.
Get a wider education yourself.
Take in lots of things, and then TRUST yourself.
I would say TRUST yourself first – but this is the thing that is becoming harder and harder to do, as we are exposed to more and more ‘noise’ and as we are expected to make ‘snap decisions’ in this fast-paced world.
Let me tell you something.
You do NOT have to wait for your child to be in ‘danger’ to be the Mummy Bear. You can step up today, and be proactive and positive and do some thinking about who you are and who you want your children to be BEFORE you have to come out ROARING and GROWLING. IT’s usually when things start going REALLY, really wrong before parents get in touch with me, and it’s true that the fact is that it takes something going wrong sometimes for change to happen.
Somebody said to me recently, “I’ll probably have to work with you soon, but it’s not that bad yet.”
It doesn’t have to GET BAD before you reach out for help!!
Somebody else said to me, “She’s going to be a nightmare as a teenager,” when they were talking about their daughter, “But I’m too tired and drained by her to do anything about it now.”
When you KNOW that there is a potential problem, or you know that you aren’t dealing with aspects of your child’s personality well, then THIS is the time to do something about it. Why would you wait until your relationship is truly fractured and difficult before you FINALLY think that maybe it’s BAD enough to have help?
Or what typically happens is that you wait so long, and then think that it’s TOO LATE, and there is nothing you can do, so you may as well just cope as best you can, hating every moment, but … Oh well.
That really doesn’t have to be the way.
The thing is – the Mummy Bear isn’t just there as a metaphor for protecting your child against the world, it’s also about ‘teaching’ your ‘cub’ what the rules are in the world, and show them the ropes, and point out where the best ‘fishing spots’ are. It’s about pinning them down with your ‘paw’ when they get a bit rambunctious … Lol – okay I may be taking the ‘bear’ metaphor too far, because I don’t mean that literally between parents and kids, but I hope you get the idea.
“Don’t Mess With The Mummy Bear” has a lot of things in it, and the kids had better not mess with mum either is the point.
YOU have got really good Mummy Bear qualities.
No one knows your child like you.
No one is sticking up for your child, or disciplining your child, or teaching your child like you can.
AND YOU CAN DO THIS.
Okay – maybe you need some help to get there – that’s okay too.
But don’t wait for the crisis.
Don’t wait for the catalyst moment.
Things are easier to change in their infancy so don’t wait too long.
You can ABSOLUTELY be the parent that you want to be, and you can start doing it today if you let the Mummy Bear out.
Stephanie Davis is the leading expert in ‘Parenting by Personality’ and coaches mums on how to raise KICKARSE and SUCCESSFUL children using their personalities to find solutions to parenting problems – get in touch at firstname.lastname@example.org if you want to know more.